Protest song

I am not your lucky charm,
rabbitsfoot nor four leaf clover!
Squeeze or pinch me one more time?
And your lucky days are over!

If your rub me for good luck?
make sure your hand won'tget stuck.
I have feelins, I have teeth!
If you stab me YOU will bleed!

I am small but Mother Nature
didn't put me on this earth,
as a lucky puppet feature!
Big Ones, wisely spread the word :

I am not your cuddly toy
Happily swinging on your keyring.
Call me once more : "cutey boy'"
Huge disaster you'll be fearing!

I have a beard, I have a hat.
I don't know where my gold is at!
I have not seen that pot for ages!
Shouldn't you guys pay me wages?

Ask me where the rainbows end,
I'll show you where the sunshine went!
Green is lucky? Now try black!
I'm fed up and will punch back!

Limping rabbits, come and fight
Big old spiders, do join in!
Shoeless horses all unite!
Falling stars, we can win!

If only man could see,
what is so clear to me :
You see a moonbeam, that is stuck,
and lock it up,,just for luck???

Learn before it is too late:
Luck will only come to love and faith,,,

For a Friend

I heard this morning he was gone, which meant that he simply had stopped breathing.
His face is etched in my memory but I will never again see the smile he shared with Clark Gable, nor the blue-grey eyes, watching me while listening to me.
Only a void where there was none, will be there.

I like oil paintings: they clearly state contours and visualize the sharp edges. And what you see is what you get: a frozen image that will never alter, that always will stay the same. No more no less!
But now, my inner view drifts off in watercolours, wisps of grey and green, one blurred image fading into another, as tears soften my view of the outside world.

And I think of him, who stopped living, suddenly, when I was not ready to let him leave me.
And he walked away...quitely.

There was a time, I looked for answers, a time I rebelled against anything or anyone who I remotely could hold responsible for taking a warm beating heart away from me.

Life is not fair...

It is unearthly hot, while I sit here, struck by yet another blow...again something I can't fight, I can't change!
I gaze up to the clear-blue sky, straight into the blaze of the white hot ball of fire, defying every law of physics, in search of the blind trust of my childhood : people who die go to heaven : period!

I want to see him now!

All the known colours and then some, explode in my head into a flashing, silver metallic haze. I close my eyes very tight and slowly the world slips mercifully into a vast blackness.

I open them and I am blind.

And then ... I do see...

As this blindness is but darkness, is but the absence of light.

He is still there, behind the veil, separating here and there.

And will never be gone.

Embrace

The First

Only just there,

not yet fully aware,

all is odd, new and bare.

Light is bright,

shadows hazy,

tired of the fight,

sleepy, lazy...

Little worried face

barely alive...

And in the mids of all that is strange and unknown...

ultimate trust is shown...

One, two, three, four, five

tiny fingers wrap around fathers pinky...

Babies first embrace!

Fox

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Twilight time, not light and not dark. Softly nature hums. There is music but no song...only the essence of almost a sound breaking the silence. A gentle breeze whispers through the luscious green treetops; fireflies paint stars: tiny specs that weave in and out misty grey shadows, while the wind plays over the meadows draving patterns under a honeycolored sky, where daisies bow...tired of a day that does not end.

Organdie butterflywings, with crystal-clear pearldrops, dance in a light that looks so unreal, as if fairy dust coats the world.

Here Time chose to stand still...

Hen who brings the velvet darkness, who covers all with the gown of forgetfulness, who wipes away sorrow and gives belssed oblivion... awaits her.

He spreads his arms, ready to embrace... but she bows her head, covers herself with her long blond hair and hides.

Then suddenly she leaps... tiptoes around him, her laughter tickling his inner being. It diverts him, caresses him... she draws closer, not touching and stays out of his reach but does not wander.

He shakes his head, laughs out loud! He knows he will win, as they will come together as sure as night and day.

Still, when the high corn brings back a faint echo,,,doubt creeps in. He tilts his head, a frown, his shoulders tighten. He watches her with curious wonder: her radiance, her gusto for life, her little naughty smile while she waves him back...not yet, not now, not this time, my strong lover... wait! Those deep blue eyes that promise, yet hold back, tantalizingly invite...

He follows reluctantly while she showers her warm embrace over the land and all living things, looking over her shoulder, eyes half closed, bottom lip with that tiny pot.

He is lost, intrigued, annoyed, unsure... he feels as if he entered a forgotten garden that slowly unfolds... new to him, but as old as time. He can taste the magic on the tip of his tongue. She beckons, he comes...

Soft floats her voice , as a sigh over the water:

"No sleep, my love, not now... not while your fingers could maybe caress mine, while your lips should find mine, while the days so close to the restful night holds on... lingers for almost enternity."

And her words sail to him over the dry eastern winds:

"This feels like a night for making love... for making it last... for long deep gazes, eye to eye... for subtle nearly touching... for smiles and words not yet spoken... for loving without holding.

Imagine my love... distance between us, and still feel me near, almost within reach... and let us take this midsummer night to dream together as we have time..."

Foxy

Merlin

Thursdayevening,,almost 11 pm,,,and again all is quiet,,,even Merlin gave up eh : mom's on the computer,,,doesn't wanna play,,,so ,ok,,,
Cats love to sleep and they made it into an art. There is nothing more peaceful than a sleeping cat,,,it lays there, all relaxed,,,smiles even,,,not a worry in the world.
It just turns the switch and it is in a different world. A cat knows, without the shadow of doubt , that, at that certain moment in time ,nothing is gonna harm it,,,there are no faxmachines who will spit questions,,,no phones that hold problems,,,and most of all : no people that want something from ya,,,,
Just turn yaself into a lil ball,,,or even better, stretch out and leave the world to it's own worries . As the world survived so long on it's own,,, it knows by now how to do that,,without help,,,without meddling ,,without watching it turn,,,,
It's a gift, a talent : don't go for yoga,,,don't go for 'working out', don't turn on the tele so ya can put ya mind on 'below zero' watching ppl who think they can sing,,dance or even do politics,,,be a cat ! Be Merlin the cat !
Every move he makes has its purpose : Lost in thoughts,he walks in a perfect circle,,, once,, twice,,, three times,,, then a sudden noise startles him,,he looks up,,,eyes all wide ,,all alert,,,turns his head and looks at me,,,he winks,,,and then he starts over : one circle,,two,,, and he stretches ,,,
Oh, ya wish ya knew his secret,eh ,,,ya can just ''sense'' how good that stretching feels ,,,every muscle gets his turn,,,even the hairs on top of his ears seem to grow longer,,,
Then he 'slides' on to the floor,,,turns on his side and looks at me,,,slowly I see how he falls asleep,,,,and I feel privileged,,,I'm part of a magical moment,,,just before the beautiful green and yellow eyes close, I see a glimps of another world,,,where nothing bothers you,,,where all is at ease,,beyond peace,,I think cats found the nirvana long before religion did,,,
It's dark outside,,the window is like a mirror reflecting, like a bad photo,my cosy lil puter- room,,,,,black velvet outside,,,but that doesn't matter ,,, here,it's warm and quiet,,,and it's time to 'be Merlin' . So,,,I'll cuddle up to my pillow,,,and if I'm lucky ,,a lil ball of fur at my feet will try to teach me one more time how to go to sleep ,,,,softly,,,without a care in the world,,,,
That is if I can manage not to move ,,,cause lil claws will protect first of all,,,,Merlins'dreams !
Nite nite,,,,,,,

Another Sunday Afternoon

Another Sunday afternoon,

I've been neglecting this blog,,,shame on me. Excuses? I've got a lot,,,and they are all true but none of'm, really is one,,,
Where do you start when a lot of time has passed by? I moved recently,,,found a new appartement, close to where my daughter lives,,,Now,I'm a city girl,before I lived in a village,,and I grew up on a farm,,,maybe the circle is round ,,,I am where I'm supposed to be.
I'm fifty,,,and life goes on, maybe a lil slower,,,there are aches,,,and there is my memory that sometimes doesn't do it's job,,,lil things are a bit harder but the smiles are still there,,,maybe I don't laugh as much as I did,,,but I smile a lot more,,,,
So,,,,what's left ? I'm sorta happy,,,not discontented,,,not by far !
Ofcourse there's the struggle to get all bills payed,,,the fight to meet the goals I need to reach,,,there's work,,,things to see,,,to do,,,
There are new things,,,things I love doing,,,there's Cosy Clan Radio : playing my music ,,, surprizing friends with tunes which make them smile,,,
There it is again : 'smile'. Which can mean so many different things : understanding,,, listening,,,knowing,,,sweet expectation,,,surprize,,,looking or listening to the one ya love,,,first baby steps,,,feeling the sun on my skin,,,watching my cat sleep,,,
There is that moment in a movie that brings on the tears,,,but ya keep'm inside and they turn into crystals ,,and ya view is suddenly blurry,,, remember the kaleidoscope ? Colors all flowing into eachother till ya forgot how the outside world looked like?,,,but it made ya smile,,,in wonder,,,
I've been listening to Joni Mitchell : I looked at life from both sides now,,,from win and lose and still somehow,,,it's lifes illusions I recall,,,I really don't know life at all,,,,
This is a rainy sunday afternoon and rather chilly,,,it's June and it's cold,,,and I'm kinda in tune with the weather,,,maybe the sun will come out,,,I do see a speck of blue through the raindrops. Ya know what?,,,There has to be something more,,,cause this is not all there is,,,not by far !
So,,,well,,,bring on the rains ,,,even the thunderstorms of life,,,I'll take'm,,,,with a smile !

lazy sunday morning

Well,,,Sunday again and the Maple leafs kicked butt ,,,I know it didn't look like we were gonna make it but hey,,,,we're scrappers,,,and watching the game in relay,on a Belgian Sunday morning is almost as good,,,because I just peeked eh,,,,and saw the scores on the net.
I was gonna say : " Well,,just beginning of the season lol,we'll win the next one ",,cause at the moment that i write this, 'les Canadiens' are 3 to 1 ahead ,,,but knowing that overtime will get US ,(that's Go Leafs Go,lol) the victory is sweet !
I went to an all-girls school,,,and boys were creatures we saw on the bus to school or watched (without being seen watching) when they hung around at the busstop. They were acting cool and we were acting like we didn't see that,eh. They mostly talked sports and I had an older brother that played soccer,,,which is as big a hype in Belgium as hockey is in Canada. So at home we watched soccer eventhough three girls enriched the family after the firstborn male,,,,to make it a tight package ,we had a lil bro to top it all off and make the family complete, I had to mention this just to fill ya'll in properly eh.
Soccer was big in our house,,,so was cycling,,,no game or contest was missed,,,and so us girls knew a lot about it,eh. We knew what off-side was before we were eleven,,,,also knew not to 'talk gibberish' during a game,,,and ya know what? Dad was right about that : how can ya concentrate, how can ya 'feel' the game and enjoy it if ya talking about trivial things ?
Hence my love for sports although I'm just a couch-potato-sports-lover, it was the start for me to love a lot of sports : you name it, I like it,,,and I'll ask untill i understand the rules and I'll pick a team,,,I'll sit on the tip of my 'couch' when I can catch a game of the Brisbane lions,,,for sure.
Now, how did a Belgian girl get interested in the Toronto Maple Leafs?
Well,,,they tricked me into it,,,but I'm a loyal one,,,,being a leo ya pick ya team and ya stick by'm,,,come rain or shine so I'll never leave the leafs,,,no chance,,sorry lol !
At that time I was a baby chatter,,,I pretty well stuck to chatting in one room,,,one I still have a soft spot for eventhough it's gone : I grew up there,,,learned the values of a good chatroom, and learned how to host people. The host and owner of that room was and is my roll-model, ,,she 'felt' people,,their needs , but also saw right through the whining and the 'look-at-me-i'm-the-Gods-gift-to women/men-routine',,,I learned a lot from her,,,most importantly her caring for her chatters,,,whom she called friends.
Ok,,,Belgian,,,,Maple Leafs Toronto,,,,well,,,one evening I entered chat and there was an animated convo going on,,,,and every three or four sentences there was this 'Go leafs Go',,,,which made me curious cause Foxy had absolutely no idea what leafs were,,,to me the leafs fell of the trees and I knew what a Maple tree was,,,beautifull in fall,,,majestic in summer.
So I asked ,,, and I got my answer, but not before eh, I shouted : 'GO LEAFS GO',,,and I did ,,,,ofcourse I did,,,,then told the belgian girly it was ice-hockey and they all had a lot of fun eh,,,explaining the rules to me : All together now: "hit ya opponent if he's in the way,,,a good fight makes the game exciting,,,this is a canadian sport,,,this is THE canadian soul ,its blood and bones !",,,,and they liked it that I was excited and not went : 'ohhh ,such a violent sport,,,ooohh,,,they hit eachother".
Oh come on,get serious : " If ya can't stand the heat, stay out of the kichen,,,if ya can't cut it stay of the ice ! It's rough ,true that,,,but it's so exciting so see the moves,,,the swiftness,,,the game,,,beauty eh !"
In that room , I was part of the euphoria ,the overwhelming enthusiasm,,,and i missed that from my childhood days,,,nothing binds people more than their team winning ! And they were good-humored about it,,,they excepted the fact that ya can't win'm all,,,they talked about the players of other teams with admiration : they were proud and that is what made me smile. That night in chat,,,and other times made me fall in love with the canadian spirit, the way they look at things,,,I'll always have a soft spot for'm,,, sue me lol,,,