50

It's been awhile,,,,and I don't know why darkness urges me to write,,,only the zoommmm of my computer ,which is finally fixed,,,keeps me company and oh , yes,,,the ticking of the clock behind me. Time,,,maybe I been thinking about time lately because I reached the big 50 today,,,
I loved today,,,and I feel fifty, which is not a bad thing,,,,I made it this far ! Somehow it feels asif I done my job,,,I raised my kid,,,and she's a good woman. Gratitude is a word I got more respect for now, because I got her to be thankful for .
I raised a child ,gave her values, told her that honesty is the greatest good,,showed her that mistakes are normal but, cliché, you learn from them. And God and the world knows I made mistakes too,,,I am glad that, some immediatly, some over time,,,I reallized I made these mistakes so I could correct them. I did put them right, brought them into daylight, sometimes with pain, often ashamed but I never ran from them or the world.
And I believe that therefore she will never run,,,and if she encounters a wall higher then she can climb or a sea wider then she can oversee? If she gets tangled up in everydays lil problems, twisted into a knot that even Alexander the Great can't hack through? I will still be there,,,The hardest thing for me will be : not to try to blast the mountains before she can bump into them. She is strong and able to do what is right. My job is to respect that.
50,,,,half a century? In a way it feels longer,,, as I didn't do much,,, didn't make a name for myself,,, I'm not a celebrity,,, I didn't invent anything to help mankind, I didn't change the world,,but still it feels longer : every moment was full,,,not every moment happy or easy though but it all adds up to fifty years on this earth.
And I don't regret one of them,,, Do I wish that things would be different at the moment? Yes ! But there is time and the adventure goes on,,,it doesn't stop here ! There is so much to do still,,, so much to see, so much to feel, mmmmmmmh,,, oh yes,,, I got concrete plans there,,, I wanna burn with desire,,,rage with passion,,, laugh outloud because I'm happier then I ever was ! I wanna smile and see him look at me, with a knowing lil smile,,,
One day there will be a story here that doesn't sound this content or friendly,,, I do have days I don't like life, my world or the way things go,,, but that'll be then,,,
Now,,, when the dark ,the clock and the computer keeps me in a cosy bubble I'm well with most things and that includes being fifty and being me .

summer

"Here ,when I watch the time go by",,,,Fame,,,"Starmaker",,,a song that was born long ago and modified to express the feelings of a group of actors saying goodbye to a dying man,,,,a man they loved,,, and it showed. You could feel it ,,,

Hearing and being allowed to share a sentiment that was this pure and got expressed with all of ones soul and heart gave me and still gives me goosebumps.

That song makes me sad in a way but it also makes me ecstaticly happy and I don't need headphones to shut out the world,,,I hear the song inside me, as if there was nobody around ,,,not even me .

It's like something is bubbling up inside of me,,,bursting to get out,,,it starts way deep, way down. It rises up till it reaches a lil spot behind my ears and it burns there. Ever felt the skin at the back of ya neck thingle? Some songs do that to me and I'm gratefull,,,to be able to feel that, I'm so lucky,,,

Sometimes the things we do,turn out bigger and sort of amazing. They start to lead a life of their own as if they get a soul.

The painting of the sunflowers, by Van Gogh, makes me feel summer.

Summer is a season,,,the word marks a period of time in a year,,,but the 'feeling of summer'?

I remember the summers when I was a kid,,,we lived, all of us, five kids and mom and dad on a little farm,,,,we had one cow eh,some calfs,,,lots of rabbits,,,mmmh,,I can recall one chicken and some turkeys but most of all we had time,,,,

Time to be a kid,,,to run in the fields,,,to work in the hay,,,yes, we worked,,,but it never felt as working.

We had time to sit in the sun and feel the hot fur of the cats snoozing beside ya,,,

I recall the summer my oldest brother, about sixteen at the time, got an old car. He worked on the old bag of rust with my dad till it actually started and he drove up and down the meadow,,around the old plum tree, proud as a peacock.

We had pretty good voices in those days,,,we had to call'm when the 'Tour de France' was on tele eh,,,and ya could hear us " Andréééeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" cause ya had to shout over the terrible rumble of the old motor eh,,,I think the whole neighbourhood set his clock on our yelling : time to take a break ,watch the finish,with a beer .

The larks were high up in the sky,,,the sky was as blue as the eyes of my mother smiling,,,and the warmth of those days were not only the weather,,,it was all of us together,,,and us kids didn't have a care in the world. Life was easier,,,say what ya want,,,it was.

That was summer and Van Goghs' yellow sunflowers bring that back to me,,,,and the song , expressing the warmth and love for a co worker that was a friend ,,,gives me the same wonderful feeling to be thankful to be alive .

And I hope the same for you all,,,

Thinking,,,

Doubting weather today : clouds,,,some showers and then suddenly there's the sun,,,hot,,,bright and making the wet world steam. It's sundayafternoon,and it's pretty quiet outside,,,the birds are having a siesta,,,por favor no ruido. A car starts ,,,and the humming noise blends in with the silence. Does one ever listens to all the sounds a day brings ? Neil Diamond wrote a song about it : 'What a beautiful noise,,,coming out of the street,,,,' The whole world is made of some sort of music,,,and I'm so gratefull I can hear them : the rooster at 4 am in the morning,,,the donkey that greets the moon ( I wouldn't know what else he would raise his rasping ,honklike voice at ) the frogs in the pond,,,a mosquito buzzing,,, Wait I draw the line there ! There is nothing as annoying as a mosquito looking for a warm spot of skin at 3 in the morning.

The smoke of my cigarette crinkles up,,,putting the screen of my computer in a bit of a haze,,,I smoke a lot,,,if you count the missing ' comfort-stressrelieving-healthhazardous 'sticks, when I put them away before I go to bed at night. But most of them easily smoke themselves and I am not picky,,,I let them, as the smell takes me back,,,to days long ago,,,when the world was easier, because I was a child then.

Thinking,,,making your brain rack up the beads on the abacus of past days,,,,trying to understand why what happened,,,,I think so I exist. It marks us as 'human beings' ,,,,or was that the ability to smile,,,to laugh ?

Most of my actions are born out of instinct,,,on what feels right or wrong,,,Logic was never my forté eventhough I had a serious crush on Mr Spock (not the man who told ya how to raise your kids but the Vulcan) . Logic people make me feel safe,,,they don't act out of character,,,you can count on them,,,they hold the world in their hands and knows what makes life tick,,,, I admire that,,,I love a neatly organized cabinet,,,and spoons where spoons should be : next to the forks and knifes and the lil spoons ,,,

Where do ya put the lil forks ?,,,mine are roaming, sometimes they visit the big forks eh,,,,but they feel kinda uneasy there,,,so they mostly snug in with the lil spoons...Nobody ever bothers the knifes,,,bit lonely they are, as a german sheppard in a poodle kennel,,,handy though to kill a big watermellon,,,

Pondering,,,I like that word,,,on a sunday afternoon,,,when it's quiet outside and only the clock chimes inside,,,nice word,,,better then thinking,,,,

Hello world

Hello world,

Let me introduce myself,,,This is DJ Foxy,,,Belgian,,,born in August 57,,,a leo !

Eager to try new things,,,and standing on the verge of a new adventure !

I agreed to be a dj,,,to play songs, I hope will make listeners feel cosy and warm,,,cause they should bring them back to a time when they were kids...or when their parents were kids, a time they know from stories told with a smile...

To a time when they didn't have to worry about life ,about where the money would come from to pay the next bill, about kids , about what comes next...

They woke up,,,got dressed with whatever was hanging on the chair next to the bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen,,,drawn in by the smell of coffee and the certain knowledge that mom was there,,,,that the breakfast was on the table and the radio was on,,,with music,now long forgotten : the big orchestra playing a watlz,,,or a romantic song,,,or 'wonderful world' by louis Armstrong ,the day began and it was gonna last like forever,,,

I just entered the realm of the ghosts,,,past midnight here in this itty bitty lil country . It's quiet all around, the starlings stopped their evening chatter some hours ago and the distance noise of a car with a driver who longs for his bed makes me aware of the simple fact that it's late again ,,,,and the night will be short,,,so i wish you a good night ,,,a starry sky and a safe journey through your dreams,,,take care