It's been awhile,,,,and I don't know why darkness urges me to write,,,only the zoommmm of my computer ,which is finally fixed,,,keeps me company and oh , yes,,,the ticking of the clock behind me. Time,,,maybe I been thinking about time lately because I reached the big 50 today,,,
I loved today,,,and I feel fifty, which is not a bad thing,,,,I made it this far ! Somehow it feels asif I done my job,,,I raised my kid,,,and she's a good woman. Gratitude is a word I got more respect for now, because I got her to be thankful for .
I raised a child ,gave her values, told her that honesty is the greatest good,,showed her that mistakes are normal but, cliché, you learn from them. And God and the world knows I made mistakes too,,,I am glad that, some immediatly, some over time,,,I reallized I made these mistakes so I could correct them. I did put them right, brought them into daylight, sometimes with pain, often ashamed but I never ran from them or the world.
And I believe that therefore she will never run,,,and if she encounters a wall higher then she can climb or a sea wider then she can oversee? If she gets tangled up in everydays lil problems, twisted into a knot that even Alexander the Great can't hack through? I will still be there,,,The hardest thing for me will be : not to try to blast the mountains before she can bump into them. She is strong and able to do what is right. My job is to respect that.
50,,,,half a century? In a way it feels longer,,, as I didn't do much,,, didn't make a name for myself,,, I'm not a celebrity,,, I didn't invent anything to help mankind, I didn't change the world,,but still it feels longer : every moment was full,,,not every moment happy or easy though but it all adds up to fifty years on this earth.
And I don't regret one of them,,, Do I wish that things would be different at the moment? Yes ! But there is time and the adventure goes on,,,it doesn't stop here ! There is so much to do still,,, so much to see, so much to feel, mmmmmmmh,,, oh yes,,, I got concrete plans there,,, I wanna burn with desire,,,rage with passion,,, laugh outloud because I'm happier then I ever was ! I wanna smile and see him look at me, with a knowing lil smile,,,
One day there will be a story here that doesn't sound this content or friendly,,, I do have days I don't like life, my world or the way things go,,, but that'll be then,,,
Now,,, when the dark ,the clock and the computer keeps me in a cosy bubble I'm well with most things and that includes being fifty and being me .
